Mortality

Two people who've touched my life in some way have died this weekend. A friend from high school and Whitney Houston. I'm not a huge Whitney fan, but I've always admired the power and beauty of her voice - what an instrument, and what a gift to the world. The friend from high school I had lost touch with, but had recently reconnected with through Facebook. Both were just a year or two older than I. Both died suddenly.

Tonight I stayed home and tried to concoct the perfect bloody mary - I can't drink more than one before my judgement and taste lapse, so the process will likely take months. But as I curled up in my big comfy chair with the warmth of vodka and Tabasco sauce flowing in my veins, I reflected on life and loss. I frequently mourn the loss of my "previous" life as wife and mother and sense that perhaps that was the "thing" I was put on earth for and now it's passed. I'm no longer the center, the driving force of it, I'm a spectator now. But then again, I reflect on the notion that I'm still waiting for something, I don't know what. And why...why am I waiting?
So that's probably the blood mary speaking - really, I'm a lightweight.

Here is an excellent song. Dave Matthews is a sexy genius musician. He and his band make amazing music. His music is diverse and full of many voices. This song is one of my very favorites. I remember the moment I heard it for the first time - I was on the way home with my kids, they were about 3, 5, and 11 and I heard it. I pulled over to listen. I called the station to find out what it was. The music is amazing and the message wonderful.

You must listen to the end.



I can't believe that we would like in our graves, wondering if we spent our living days well. I can't believe that we would lie in our graves, dreaming of things that might have been.