found the template tools

I'm not sure i like it, either. Give me a few days to play around.

Keep moving forward

We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. ~Author Unknown

Gratitude is the Best Attitude

It's been awhile since I've posted, but with Thanksgiving coming up, I felt moved to share. It's been a rocky year for myself & my family - I won't go into detail, but the "high" points (sarcasm) follow - Last posting mentioned the loss of family members; they left three teen-age daughters behind who are trying to find their way. I was unemployed for 3 months. My brother's marriage broke up, and he's left the state. I've loved deeply this year, but can't seem to maintain a healthy relationship with the man...dork...victim? I'm struggling with deep depression, enhanced by "empty nest" syndrome - my boys flew the nest. And for the first time, due to some weird circumstances, my family is headed toward one of those holiday dinners everyone dreads. You know - the one's from the sitcoms. I swear, our family holiday dinners have all been warm and relatively stress free. We're gonna make up for it this year.

Empty nest is no joke, by the way. "Get a hobby! You'll feel better!" All the articles say stuff like that. Then I finally found one that, after all the cliches, mentioned that SOME people have a harder time. Single women. People with a history of depression. People with "other issues". Yes, I'm all of the above. These people experience feelings of grief, and loss. No kidding. GRIEF and LOSS are -very- good words to describe it. My kids live in town. I see them regularly. They are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing at this time in their lives. They are in school. GREAT guys. Not their fault. But wow - was I hit hard.

Time for the gratitude. My three children are thriving in their lives and I am part of those lives, if more peripherally than I am accustomed to. My granddaughter is healthy, charming, and I get a good "baby fix" in once or twice a week. (She has just learned to wave...cutest. thing. ever.) I acquired a stable job with good job security, benefits, and (omg) paid leave. I am not making much, but the security is heartwarming. I feel fulfilled and useful in my position, and I like and respect the people I work with. Also, I am lucky to have loved and been loved in return, even though we're both too messed up and stubborn to be able to make things work.

There is a blog I read regularly that I'm going to steal some words from "...the holiday reminds me that gratitude without humility and charity is no better than gloating." I like this - it's a reminder to me that being thankful for what we have isn't enough, that as humans we are fulfilled by giving back. I'm going to try to be charitable and giving to the members of my family who are being less than gracious. I'm going to continue to be supportive and positive with my children in their independence, though my heart aches at being alone (thank God for the dog). I'm spending the afternoon on Thanksgiving with the man I love and can't get along with - we're going to serve food at a local homeless shelter.

JFK said, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." It's easy to feel less than generous when you're having a hard time, but I am going to continue to remind myself to be more charitable, humble, gracious, and generous in my thoughts and actions towards others.

My picture today is the one I currently have on my computer desktop at work - It's Van Gogh's "The Olive Trees". I work in a somewhat stressful environment and I find the colors soothing, and I have always loved VanGogh's firm but flowing lines.

Thank you for reading, and I wish a warm and happy Thanksgiving to you.