Things to Remember

Keep trying

"We have always been fascinated by infinite space, by the endless stars and by galaxies upon galaxies.How does a person feel when looking at the sky?

He thinks that he doesn't have enough tongues to describe what he sees. Nevertheless, people have never stopped describing the sky, simply listing what they see.

Lovers are in the same position.They experience a deficiency of language, a lack of words to express their feelings. But do lovers ever stop trying to do so?"

-Umberto Eco

Monk by the Sea by Caspar David Friedrich. 

Age sucks

So I've been sick all weekend and spent much of it in a cold-med-induced coma. Nothing serious (the plague) and I'll live (there were moments I wished I didn't). Yes, I suffered. I watched movies...some good, some not so good. I watched a chick flick about weddings and it got the wheels turning in my brain about a subject that's been hovering in the corners of my consciousness: Biological imperative.

Let me explain. I'm single. I've never seen myself as being alone, but I am. I've carried the idea around that I would meet someone new...that I might actually meet the "right" person...and life would start anew, the life I am "supposed" to be living.

That's my emotional side.

But I'm also a biologist. I know a little about evolution, about the instincts and biological imperatives that have enabed our species survive. Humans hit a certain age and we have urges...biology prompts men to notice women who are young, healthy looking, with certain body characteristic (nice hips, breasts). Sure those women look "good" and "sexy", but why? Because women who look like that are in their fertile prime. Yes, women have similar traits they seek for in men...it's usually signals that indicate the ability to provide and protect.

And falling in love? Humans are primed for it in a certain age bracket (not just socially, but biochemically). You meet that person and woooo, you're ready to reproduce. Maybe it sounds cynical, but that's what falling in love is - the bond couples form that enables them to stay together build a family and raise their offspring - and there! We've successfully reproduced.

So as i'm keeping an eye out for "Mr. Right", I realize that the biological imperative isn't present in men & women my age. Women my age are still looking for a protector/provider but not for reproductive reasons. And what about the men? If they're still looking for the same thing- young, fertile - that counts me out.

What are the triggers for attraction for people my age? What is the biological imperative? I really LIKE that being in love feeling...is that just not a function of my age group? Not in the biochemical make-up of people in my age bracket...? Ugh.

Perhaps i should be looking for expecting something else?

Only

Only
This is one of my Favorite Songs. Yes, capitalized that on purpose. This song does it for me. Bitterly tongue-in-cheek, darkly light, an urgent funky guitar backed by an easy beat. I love when he yells the lyrics. And the lyrics resonate with me.
Love it. Sorry if the link looks odd, using mobile in the middle of the night and too tired to fix it up right. Just listen. A few times.

You're The Salt Within My Tears

Yes. Close your eyes as you listen (the blinkiness of the video is enough to make your head explode- annoying) Try not to tap your foot or bob your head, or even shake your hips during the swingy part in the middle. I mean really, just try.

June craziness

So I cut my hair off about 6 weeks ago. I've never had short hair. I tell everyone I was very brave and tried something different, but really, I believe it was an act of desperation. I was in one of those moods where I felt like a particle that was building up energy and needed to explode into some kind of movement- I needed to do -something- but the choices seemed limited. So I cut my hair. I know that sounds weird & silly, but there it is. Enough about the hair.
By the way, the first picture I tried to take had my eyes closed. I've found that 80% of the photos taken of me have my eyes closed. Perhaps I blink a lot.
A bunch of my family came to town in June - it was a month of fun & socializing, which I don't do near enough of. We ate, drank, did a float down the river, had a big party, ate, drank, laughed & told stories.  Family came & went all through the month. I moved out for a week so that my brother and his entourage could all just stay at my house - I stayed at my mom's with my sister. She was here the whole month, we got some good time together. I have two brothers and one sister - we're all within 5 years of each other in age. We hadn't all been in the same place at once in about 12 years. They all left July 3, all at once - it's so quiet now! But I'm glad to be back at home and really, I was ready for some quiet. It seems that it's feast or famine where visiting family is concerned. I miss them a lot, especially my sister. My kids are all here and we get together for dinners & movies, but the hubub of a huge family  gathering was fun.
I'm not sure what my point is here, I'm kind of rambling. Family is a stabilizing element and I guess I'm saying I'm in a better frame of mind than I was a month ago. Nothing like siblings to make you feel as if you're in familiar territory.
It's amazing here right now - 24 hours of daylight. It's broad daylight at midnight, and the evenings are beautiful  - very hard to remember to get to bed on time ;) I love this time of year in Alaska. We've passed the Solstice, though, and we're slowly losing minutes of light from each day. In August, we're "normal" and have dark nights. By the time we hit December, we're down to a mere few hours of daylight in the afternoon. But we'll not think of that now! For us, summers are short, but summer days are long - we soak 'em up.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midnight_sun