I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky

Today was a long day. I had one of those encounters everyone has at some point, where trust is carefully given then not so carefully dashed by the one you've given it to. I'm not unique in this experience, I know, but it leaves one feeling as if they're the only person in the world. Just a hiccup in the road, really, but I'm feeling sad and regretful.

What was that? Oh yeah...be one with the flux.

I like the picture above - it's a depiction of a hero of Russian folklore, Ivan Tsarevich. Kind of like the Knight of the Swan , he isn't a particular character but a general name given to a particular type of character.

Not a great day off but I got laundry done, got in a good walk, saw a great movie, and now I'm going to curl up with Repairman Jack and read myself to sleep. I'm off again tomorrow - new day, new river.

Noun: flux (plural fluxs) 1. A state of ongoing change. *

Nothing is static, it's all moving, flowing, changing constantly. Leaves grow, cells die, wind blows, life cycles come full circle and begin again. Like a river that appears the same from moment to moment, but the water flows and moves, along with whatever is caught in it's current, and the river you see is not the same river it was a moment ago. Ever changing, ever the same.

Some days I can't move with it - feeling it rush past, pulling at me, moving on. I want to grasp, see, feel, and know every second of it, but it flows over and around me and is gone, lost.

Yes. I'm having a day.

In Hermann Hesse's Siddhartha, the river is it's own beginning, middle and end. The river is everywhere at once all at the same time. The idea of time or life being circular resonates with me. I read some blurb about how the river shows Siddhartha that though life is in constant flux, it's still essentially the same, and encourages him to become one with that flux.

That's my new mantra : Be one with the flux.

*Wiktionary

Spira Mirabilis

I acquired a neat thing today - a tiny fossilized echinoderm, a sea biscuit of some sort. I haven't had time to hunt down what it is exactly yet, but I picked it up for three reasons:
-It's neato
-It will go nicely in my shadow-box shelf full of fossils, cast off shells, dried sponges, and dried bugs. Yes, bugs.
-It beautifully demonstrates the pentamerous symmetry that is characteristic of echinoderms.

Boy, that's a crappy picture - it's too late to stay up and take another one, though. Time to get a real camera, I think.

But you can see the star shape, it's so perfect. Pentamerous symmetry in echinoderms fills me with wonder - the star or flower shape is such a symbol to us humans, an image embedded in our psyche. And there it is on that sea critter (well, that rock that was once a sea creature).

Patterns like that in nature appeal to my senses; the whorls of certain shells, the curls of waves, honeycombs in beehives, but most of all the amazing and mathematically beautiful design of ammonites and the chambered nautilus. (click that link, the picture is stunning). Wikipedia has a great article on the reoccurring appearance of the logarithmic spiral in nature.

I think Spira Mirabilis, the miraculous spiral, is possibly my favorite thing in the world.

Wash your hands (revisited)

Stumbled across this and got a giggle.

New Toy

Kids ganged up and got me an iTouch for Mother's Day. Hot damn. Currently playing: Audioslave - I Am The Highway. I love the lyrics.

Here is a crappy picture of my new plaything.

Get some popcorn

Star Trek comes out today. I have to admit I'm dying to see it, because I love Star Trek and I love going to the movies. I'm a closet trekkie - no uniform or anything, but *quiet voice* I do have a book of episode summaries from TNG, and...well...I may have a star ship tech manual stashed somewhere.

You're reading what?

I'm book-binging. I realized I'm processing 5 books at the moment. I do that when I'm restless and need focus. I'm filling/killing time, basically. I try to make it good stuff for the most part, I can't read crap because it won't hold my attention. I like Repairman Jack, though it's light. So is Austen & Collins if you get into that sort of genre, which I do (closet romantic). I'm plowing my way through George MacDonald, and picking at another Rushdie novel.

I went to Barnes & Noble (yep, Saturday night), got coffee and roved book stacks. I grabbed Austen (cheap!) then ran into Saul Bellow on another shelf. I haven't read Ravelstein, but Saul Bellow really needs my full attention, and it was more $$ than I wanted to spend at the time so I left it, but it's on the List Of Things To Read. I read Herzog years ago and love it, but need to read it again soon.

I'm also considering picking up my calculus text and working my way through it. That, friends, is a sure sign I need to be vigilant and focus on something productive - my brain needs to wrap itself around something. I loved calc, but really. When I was 30-ish (roughly the start of my descent into depression) my mind got restless. Many people turn to religion when they're seeking...solace? I went for theoretical physics. I read Stephen Hawking, essays by Einstein, by Feynman, I read Paul Davies etc, devouring ideas that I had to read carefully and intently to get the gist of. I couldn't have an intelligent discussion about most of it, but it fed my brain and fueled my imagination and made me feel like I was touching some part of my world I hadn't before.

Regarding revisiting/rereading - it annoys the heck out of me when I can't 'discuss' what I've read. I've realized that I tend to read emotionally - I feel what I'm reading, it pulls me along like the current in a river. I experience it, I'm immersed in it. Hell, in high school AP English we read Hemingway's Farewell to Arms. I was really sick with the flu when I read the part about Frederic in the hospital, and I had all sorts of feverish and fitful dreams about him, as if it were me. I have disliked Hemingway since. He's depressing.

Uh, I had a point in there somewhere. Oh yes. I re-read frequently because of this. First read- immersion and emotional connection. Second run - more awareness of details, symbolism, structure, blahblah. Third run - sheer enjoyment, anticipation of particular passages, discovery of tidbits I've missed. Is that normal?

There is one part of my favorite book, The Master & Margarita, that I cherish, absolutely cherish reading. I'll read the whole book just for that small section. It's half a page. But that's how I am. I like parts of things, which I think is a good quality, because it means I 'like' more things - more books, more music, more people, more movies, because I find a part that appeals to me, that I wish to experience again and again. I will love a 'whole' thing just for that element it contains.

That reminds me. Also on the List Of Things To Read is other translations of The Master & Margarita. Translating Russian to English too closely means less idiomatic flow, and though the words are accurate, the feeling may not be. I'm curious if I'll get the same feeling from another translation. I love that book so much, I wish I were Russian to read it. Notice I say 'I wish I were Russian', not 'I wish I could read Russian'. I don't think just learning the language would suffice.

By the way, I've had beer, hence the uh..rambling. Corona Light with lemon in it, lots of lemon. You laugh! That's not real beer, you say. But it's refreshing and goes down easy. The part that I love, that makes me love the whole bottle? The first taste, with the lemon juice still on the lip of the bottle, ice cold, bright and sharp. I cherish that first taste. Ahhh.